This Reminds Me

Remember how excited you were as a child with your birthday? How the days dragged on until it was your special day, filled with presents and excitement?

Julia loves Dora the Explorer and – on days she has Spanish class – speaks an interesting soup of languages.

Take that feeling and multiply it by, oh, say seven Because Julia is seven years old today, and the thought of her approaching birthday has been what’s kept the world on its axis for weeks. A year ago, she didn’t know when her birthday was, much less ever have had it acknowledged. This morning, she awoke to donuts, kolaches, singing and a pile of presents. Her name was read on the announcements at school, and she sported the coverted birthday necklace.  Tonight’s dinner was her choice – “pizza cheese.”. And Saturday – Oh, Mom, how many sleeps until Saturday? – we’ll be partying at McDonalds with school friends and neighbors.

All this celebrating says, “We’re glad you were born.” Because we are. And I prayed today – as I have many days – that the young woman who chose to give Julia life feels a peace about her now.

Guanna-to-be-Julia first meeting her Papa-to-Be.  Was she afraid of the 6’5″ bearded Wookie?  One day, I’m going to ask her about that, and how long it took her to figure out that he’s the softie and I’m the mean one.

A year ago, we were frantically preparing for our first trip to Russia. All the paperwork, cold weather gear, childcare arrangements….and we were willing to do it all because we loved the idea of new child. We talked about her endlessly. What would she be like? Would she be afraid of us? Did she want to be adopted? Had she formed attachments to friends or caregivers? How would Rachel, Lois and Hannah do when she came home? Questions, questions, questions, generated by all kinds of suppositions. We were just chockful of ideas and theories.

Guanna-to-be-Julia in Children’s Home #47.  She promised to wait for us between trips.  And she did.

And then we met reality – a bright-eyed, 37-pound “monkey child” eager to demonstrate her running, climbing, singing, counting and drawing skills. A child way more interested in the crayons and coloring books we brought than the Disney Princess play set I thought she’d like . A child who carefully replaced the lid on each canister of Play Doh, and who appeared mesmerized by a light-up pen.

Artist-in-Training

From February 14, 2006 forward, we’ve slowly replaced loving the idea – the thought – the theory of Guanna-to-be-Julia with loving the person Julia. The process has sort of been like getting married. You think and plan and have all kinds of ideas about your wedding, and that’s fine – but then comes the reality of marriage. We were joined to her in a St. Petersburg courtroom on May 10, 2006 – but now we have the daily reality of presence.  And, today – presents!

Attachment is a long road, and we’re thankful for friends and family who’ve been with us on this first leg of the journey.

For each of the girls’ birthdays, I like to remind them of how they’ve grown or what they’ve experienced in a year. Skills acquired, awards won, trips made, hair styles changed, new friends – whatever. For Julia this morning, we talked about how she’d changed countries and languages. How she was now riding a bike and scooter, plus swimming. How she’d started school. And of course, how she’d come home. Home. Home. Home. We sang “Happy Birthday,” but we could have sung these haunting lyrics just as appropriately.

Happy Birthday, Julia Guanna, from me – the woman who loved the idea of you and is now the mom who loves you.  You really did come home to three sisters, a purple room and stars on the ceiling. And all six of us are better for it.

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