This Reminds Me

Archive for October, 2007

The first graders here are all studying ancient Egypt.  Boy rulers, jewels, nose hooks, mummies, pyramids, a mysterious alphabet – as Julia said as she showed me her classwork, “Mom, this stuff is cool.”

Rachel describes me as a “dumtard” when it comes to crafts.  (sigh)  The truth hurts.  I am.  Fortunately for our family, she’s really, really good at anything requiring a hot glue gun, as evidenced by Julia’s shoebox sarcoghagus covered in faux jewels and plastic coins and personalized in first grade hieroglyphics.  A magazine paper and gauze mummy slumbered inside.  Rachel is considering hosting a new TV show, “P*mp My Sarcoghagus.”

After we parents admired their classwork and crafts (note the head gear, colorful collars  and white pillowcase robes), we enjoyed a stirring rendition of “A Song of Egypt,” sung to the tune of Frere Jacques.

As a requirement of Rachel’s Child Development class, she stuffed a 5 lb. bag of flour inside a baby doll shell to represent her newborn, “Riley.”  Riley will be accompanying Mommy everywhere this week - home, church, school, shopping, babysitting, the Smithson Valley game, the dinner table  - yes indeed, everywhere.

Hey, chin up!  It could have been worse.  At least you didn’t get assigned twins like some of your classmates!

If Rachel must leave her flour child for any reason, she has to engage a babysitter – like, perhaps, Aunt Hannah, who asked, “So what happens if the babysitter really hurts your baby?”  Mommy answered, “You get points off for that.”   Hmmmm…  Perhaps Rachel should consider Aunts Lois or Julia.

Rachel tried handing Riley to me with a quick, “Here, you nurse her.”  That made me realize I needed to offer some maternal baby-handling advice/observations.  So here goes:

#5 -  If you are out of disposable diapers, a dish towel and safety pin will do – only not a dish towel someone else is likely to pick up and try to use for its intended purpose.

#4 -  Wash the car seat liner between children.

#3 -  Does it look like your washer is filled with little grapefruit or orange pieces?  That means you have laundered a pull-up.

#2 -  The church nursery workers do not want to hear, “Guess we shouldn’t have fed her all those prunes this morning.”

And my #1 piece of baby-handling advice:

#1 – Duck when you insert a suppository.  There’s a reason they’re nicknamed  “bullets of health.”

Boo-ti-ful Baby Rachel sez:  “Halloween is next week!”  If you live in San Antonio and have any leftover non-chocolate (non-melty) Halloween candy you would like to donate to children receiving Samaritan’s Purse boxes, give it to Keith or me at work, or hand it to one of our kids, or leave it on our porch.  We’ll use it!  We’re packing the weekend after Halloween.

My favorite purse of all time has given out after five years of faithful service.  The inside pocket tore out two years ago.  The piping has badly frayed.  The strap has been shredding for months.  Finally the fabric forming the closure totally wore away.

It spent more time on my shoulder than my any one of my kids did.

A woman’s purse tells a lot about her.  A man’s too, I suppose, but I’m not going there.  Is her widdle purse just precious?  She does not have children who hand her things at school, at church, in the store, etc. to “hold this for me, Mom.”  Is her purse a darling, trendy fabric?  It’s not had ketchup packets squirted on it at McDonalds, and I’ll bet no one has thrown up in it, either.  Is it free of scuffs and tears?  It’s not been clipped into umpteen grocery carts, kicked under church pews or dragged on the driveway.  Does it not contain a half-used packet of Kleenex, plus several shredded tissues stuck to half-sticks of gum?  She is wiping no nose other than her own.  Does her purse hold a billfold or cardcase?  She is likely hauling insurance cards, orthodontic reminders, a Blockbuster card, frequent buyer cards, the latest school pictures and – yes! – return address labels. Does she change purses with every outfit?   She has a life outside of the perpetual school-church-HEB-office-orthodontist-Costco circuit.   Is her purse the size of a Samsonite rolling bag?  Then it belongs to my sister Judy, who totes enough gear for a third world nation at all times.

I paid $20 for my wonderful purse in Laredo in 2002, a real bargain compared to the “best price for you, Miss” $35 asking price.  It’s driven roundtrip to Mexico a few times.  It’s ridden trains in Russia and Austin. It’s plummeted down Bug’s White Water Rapids, and soared up to Indianapolis and Chicago.  Like me – it’s been around.  And up.  And sometimes down.

This purse was so darned practical.  I could carry it in my hand, sling it on my shoulder or use it as a backpack.  It was plain.  Solid black wipe-off fabric, no weirdness, nothing fussy to break off or tear away.  It was good-sized - big enough to hold all I needed and more than I wanted.  It had hidden depths.  An inside pocket for keys; bottom zippered cache for those pesky reading glasses; exterior pockets for my every-ready cell phone and always-needed Kleenex.

Practical.  Plain.  Good-sized.  Hidden depth.  And often worse for wear.

Yep.  You can tell a lot about a woman by the purse she carries.

Especially this woman.

p.s.  Congratulations to my cousin Terry for winning our October 12 “Name Calling” contest, describing Lois’ new do as “2 Cool.”  That describes not only Lois’ haircut but also her being chosen for region choir this weekend.  Terry:  Watch for your fabulous prize in the mail, girl!