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Loading ...Archive for June 14th, 2008
Who’s Your Daddy?
I stayed up later than Keith last night. By the time I went to bed, Hannah was asleep on an air mattress in our room, and Julia was curled up against Keith in our bed. I just crawled in next to her, marveling at her beautiful little face framed by the blue pinstripes of Keith’s pajamas.
I thought: I’ve loved Keith for all kinds of reasons, but never more than when I think that he could take another man’s child and make her his own. Not like his own. Or with his own. But his own. He belongs to her.
My relationship with my own father was not as cozy. For years, I was angry and bitter about our gurgling in an emotional and moral sewer with him. And fancied myself nothing like him. But now I know I am like him. When I fume at any kind of delay – when I can do math in my head and recite obscure facts at will – when I am a poor loser and a worse winner – when I arrange the currency in my billfiold facing-the-same-way-by-denomination – when I refuse to emphathize and chafe to organize – when I make a list (and occassionally laminate it) – I am John Hoffman’s daughter.
You can’t deny DNA. No matter what – Rachel, Lois and Hannah are Keith’s daughters. Just like I am my father’s daughter. Julia is the biological daughter of a man on the other side of the world. But Keith is Daddy – right here, right now. He belongs to her. And while attachment is a journey, it appears to us that she is choosing to belong to him, too.
Father’s Day meant nothing to me until we had Rachel. Because Father’s Day really ought to be called “Daddy’s Day.” Who your father is really can’t be denied. That’s all about DNA. But who you call “Daddy” – that’s a choice. Your daddy can’t just belong to you. You have to belong to him.
Happy Father’s Day, guys. And more especially – Happy Daddy’s Day.
They belong together! Hannah, Keith, Julia, Rachel and Lois.
A Happy Birthday shout out to our eldest, who turned 17 yesterday. How did that happen?! Her new address is: 2008 Ford Focus, San Antonio, TX.
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No more pencils, no more books
But still a blog at which to look.
And now a word from our sponsor, which would be me. This child was speaking only a handful of English words two years ago.
Happy Summer Vacation to all tomorrow! Except Keith and me. Who will be back on the bus at o’dark 30. (sigh)
