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Philippians 4:4
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Every family has its stories. It’s one of the attributes that defines a family.
I grew up with stories of my Hoosier mom – Wyoming – and her three sisters – Arizona, Oklahoma and Nevada – plus their four brothers – Hugo Denver, William S. Hart, Texas and Kirby. My mother’s father – a despicable hillbilly drunk – was enamored with the American West. My mother’s mother – a long-suffering Quaker – acquiesced to his moniker choices.
(l-r) Oklahoma (Mary), Wyoming (Wy), Nevada (Neva) and Arizona (Zum) in the 70′s. To tease my mom, I’d say, “Oh, Wyoming, you’re in such a state.”
We lost Mother in 1998. Mom’s four brothers died long ago. Her last sister – Mary – died in the wee hours Monday.
Aunt Mary and Me in 2007
Mom and her sisters – including Aunt Mary – did not let their bleak childhood circumstances define them. They all attended college or completed professional training; all reared/encouraged their children, nieces and nephews; all used their creativity, generosity, wit and intelligence to leave this world a far better place than they found it.
The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve marveled at what they accomplished. They truly were “The Greatest Generation.” I wonder if I could have done the same. I know I’ve been given more, and accomplished less – that is not false modesty, it’s simply truth.
I’ve grown weary in recent years of adults whining about their parents – perhaps because I tired of it in myself. What our parents did. Or didn’t do. What slights, hurts and psychic sores we’ve picked at for decades.
When do you just grow up and let it go? Seriously. When do you?
Maybe it’s when your parents – and their siblings – are all gone.
Because then there’s no one left to blame.
You’re “it.”
I spoke to Aunt Mary at least once a week, and listening to her was sorta like hearing my mom again. I loved her chuckling through stories about my family. Our family.
Those stories have helped define me. I know now, too, that the threads that weave family ties don’t always have to be knit in the same pattern. And those threads can span generations, and even worlds.
Mom and her sisters always hated to say “goodbye.” So I won’t. I’ll just say, “Your life was a great story, Aunt Mary. I’ll make sure my girls hear it.”
I miss you already. But you know that.
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How sweet of you and how sad for you. I know Aunt Mary was a big part of your life but you are right, she knows and you definitley took the time and showed her!
luvu – shels
Thank you for posting this… I couldn’t agree with you more about the accomplishments of our mom’s (and Aunt Zum) given the circumstances they were dealt with (and did not choose) as they were growing up. Can you imagine the suffering??!! And yet they raised us w/ so much love and support and understanding… it truly is mind baffling… we are blessed they did not continue the pattern as so many abused children tend to do because they know no better. I like to think it was because their hearts were special… and that they were strong… strong enough to know what they wanted to do in their lives moving forward and special enough (from gifts from God) to not let it happen to anyone else they loved.
They truly were remarkable women… and mothers. I love my Mom more than the world itself… and spent the last few months making sure she heard those words every day. I hope it brought her some peace in her final moments…
I’m so sorry you lost your Aunt Mary. You wrote a great tribute to her.
I’m sure you are just as great an Aunt to your nieces and nephews. Pass it on.
Take care,
Paula
Sorry to hear about your Aunt Mary..wonderful legacy she too left behind.
Love..Dorothy
So sorry to hear of your Aunt Mary’s death.
What a colorful story that family has to tell – and just in the names! And, your mom looks just like you! (or maybe the other way around, at any rate, I thought that was YOU in the picture until I read the caption.)
Becky,
What a beautiful tribute to your aunt. I’m sorry for your loss. I know she was very special to you. I love to hear the stories of my parent’s and grandparent’s childhoods too! It helps me get to know them better. It also helps me appreciate the blessings I have today. You, Becky, are one of my favorite blessings!
And you, Becky, are passing the stories on to your children. They are part of the heritage. Sorry that you have lost aunt Mary, the last one of your mother’s big family. What an example your mother was to everyone–one of my life’s greatest blessings.
Jean H
So sorry to hear of your aunt’s death, Beck. I know how much all of your aunts meant to you….
I know this leaves an empty space in your life — in your heart and in your days. Your aunts could not have wanted a better niece than you have been to each of them over the years. And you phoned and visited them them lovingly — never as a chore, but as a git to them and to yourself. The thoughtfulness you show to all of us was shown to them as well. I know you will miss your Aunt Mary — for herself and also for the reminder she gave to you of your mom.
I recently applied for a Lilly Grant. My title was “It ‘Seams’ to be in my Blood”. The theme specifically dealt with the creative talents that were passed down to me and learning to embrace them. The creative, indepedent, women on both sides of my family have molded me into the woman I am today. We have some awesome family memories that I will never forget. I mourn the loss of so many our dear loved ones. Seeing Aunt Mary last month was bittersweet. As I watched and listened to her, I saw glimpses of Grandma, Mom, Zum, and your mom. I miss them all very much. As always, you wrote a very thoughtful tribute to Aunt Mary and her sisters. I wish you a very memorable holiday season of love and joy!
Becky — I don’t have your gift for the written word (Tammy got that
talent in our family) but I can’t tell you how much your note meant
to me. As I have been going through Mom’s notes and cards I came
across the notes you wrote for your Mom, David and Aunt Zum. Mom
kept them all. You were very special to her as well. And you are
right, we come from very good stock. I started missing Mom from the
moment she passed and I always will. She endured a very tough three
years after Dad passed. I know she is having a big party right now
with your mom, Aunt Neva, Aunt Zum and Dad. She certainly deserves
it. I will keep your e-mail forever. Thanks so much.
Becky–I am so sorry I missed reading this in a timely manner. I am saddened at your loss. Thank you for sharing this with us!!! By the way, I have an old photo of your aunt Neva sitting on a stump at Spring Mill State Park. My mother created an oil painting based upon this photo.