This Reminds Me

Archive for the ‘School Rules’ Category

I notice big differences in the perceptions and actions of people that have  adopted children.

If the child was adopted domestically and looks like the parents, “passing” seems to be most common.  Adoption seldom enters the conversation.   It’s seldom a “secret.”  But it’s not advertised.

If the child was adopted internationally, or if the child doesn’t look like the parents, then the level of investment in the adoption seems to be governed by the presence of bio children.   Parents – particularly mothers – of these adopted kids with no bios seem to focus more on the attribute of adoption itself.    They don’t merely feed their kids.   If their kids were adopted from Russia, they scour the user boards for Russian recipes.     If their kids were adopted from China, they have adorable silken garments to wear for Chinese New Year.  If their kids are of a different race,  they rush to deify leaders of that race.

But if the child was adopted internationally – and/or if the child doesn’t look like the parents – and there are bio kids in the family, “blending” seems to be more the norm.  And because we blend, maybe we seem like we don’t care enough – whatever “enough” is.

Look what I found on Julia’s desk at Parent’s Night tonight.    She’s proud of being adopted.   Good thing, since we’re also proud of her.

I remember the judge in St. Petersburg asking me, “How will you be able to give enough attention to this child when you already have three children?” and my replying, “Those three children will make her life richer.  She will never lack for attention.”  And that’s been true.   Rachel, Lois and Hannah have had every bit as much to do with Julia’s acclimation and attachment as have Keith and I.

But because those three children were already here, there are lots of things we just don’t do.  Yes, yes, I took the advice of the adoption experts and scattered Russian stuffola around the house.  We hang a Russian flag for Sister’s Day.  We have somber icons on the mantle, colorful photos on the walls and decorated eggs on the bookshelves.  In fact, just this week I made Julia a collage of herself in Russia to decorate her room.

The girls’ rooms are very expressive.   Keith and I don’t much care what they tack up as long as it’s not vulgar.  We figure we’ll paint when they leave.

But our lives aren’t centered around adoption, or Russia.  We don’t belong to a single adoption support group.  (User boards?  Yes.  But there’s only one I visit regularly now, and not every day.)    We don’t cook Russian food because we typically cook what the whole family likes and makes good leftovers for lunches.    We don’t seek out Russian cultural events, of which there’d be darned few in San Antonio anyway.  Julia doesn’t own a single piece of Russian-themed clothing – and I honestly don’t think she’d wear it if she did, she’s so picky about her clothes, none of which includes a ruffle, ribbon or bow.  We’ve been invited to countless adoption-themed ministry events at different churches and – unless I was working a table for Buckner (our agency) - haven’t attended any.

I worry less about our integration of all things Russian than I do about the blending of six day-to-day lives in America.  Julia’s wanted to play soccer, but we can’t make the times work with our two full-time jobs – it’s hard to say “no,” though I told Hannah that, too, about swim team.   Julia would like to come home on the bus instead of going to the after-school program, but again, not an option for her….or for Rachel, Lois or Hannah at the same ages.

Our dinner table rocks with constant bantering.  Over spaghetti, or hamburgers, or chicken pot pie – not borscht.   With big glasses of cold water – not hot tea.   And while we wear T-shirts and shorts – not tunics and flouncy skirts.

We talk about Russia, sure – but usually, it’s Keith or me that brings it up.  I expect Julia to be insanely interested in Russia when she’s older, and when she is, we have papers, pictures and gifts for her.  We’ve even talked vaguely of re-visiting St. Pete when she’s a teen.  But today, she cares more about playing swords in the cul-de-sac with the neighbor kids.   And in the meantime….Rachel’s started college and has a job.  Lois is carrying a super-heavy load in high school and pondering the fate of the Latin Club.  Hannah is creating an eco-system project and anxious about advanced choir.

If Julia was “the only one” – I’m sure we’d celebrate Victory Day, drive to the nearest Russian Orthodox church every Sunday (it’s in Houston, BTW) and slurp vodka every night.   But she’s not.  We swirl in a blender of activities.

We don’t deny where she was.  But we also know where she is.  And who she’s with.  And what everyone is doing.  And it’s all gotta blend.

First day of school here in San Antonio.  Where did their summer vacation go with those crazy, lazy days of my sleeping until 6 a.m. and eating sandwiches at the pool for dinner?  (sigh)

This year – four kids in four schools.

Hannah – 8th grade, her last in Middle School.  Julia – 3rd grade, she has to take the TAKS test this year (we’re already thinking about it).  Rachel – Freshman at UTSA.  She was there today to buy books; her classes start Wednesday, but her job in the KIN program (after school care) began today.  Lois – Sophomore in high school.

Homework started today, too.  Check out Lois’ pre-calculus pre-AP math assignment. Good thing she doesn’t need any help.   College calculus was the only class that ever made me cry.  I was soooo lost – the term “standard deviation” still makes me shudder.  I came home from UH that night and sobbed to my mom that I’d never understand calculus, I’d have abandon the whole BBA thing and become a ditch digger.

Sarah’s daughter – my great niece Laura – started kinder in Pearland today.  Nothing cuter than the kinders!

Send Sarah some Kleenex, I think she’s out now…..

As I was making breakfast for Hannah and Julia this morning, Keith reminded me – “This is your 14th year of doing this.”  Wow.  I guess it is.  Here’s what I’ve learned:

1.  Have all maintenance items current before that all-important first day.   Laundry, mail, bill pay, errands  – all of it.  Be ready to punt.

2.  Backpacks packed and ready to go the day before.

3.  Fund the lunch accounts online and early.

4.  Mondays are hard.  The first day of school is doubly-hard.  Plan on a good dinner to soothe the re-entry.  Tonight we had tacos with all the fixings.  Why?  Because we all like them.  And let me tell you, our dinner table rocked.

5.  Take a first day of school picture every year.  These were so, so handy when I created a graduation book for Rachel of all her school stuff.

6.  As soon as school is out – get next year’s medication administration forms to your pedi, all filled out and ready for signature.  Then hold them until August, when you deliver them to the school nurses w/the appropriate medications the week before school starts.  If you wait until August to consult your pedi – forget it, he’s on vacation or tied up in physicals.  If you wait until the first week of school to deliver the forms and medications – you may miss the nurse, or your kids may call for the Advil before you get it up there.

7.  Really important:  Have your pen, check book and clear return address labels ready.  Huh?  You don’t know about that?  READ THIS!

We’ve only been back in school one day, and just like Ferris – I’m ready for a day off.  How about you?

Anyone?  Anyone?

Rachel graduated tonight.  One down, three to go!

Special and eternal thanks to my brilliant niece, Sarah, who knows how to throw a party – unlike her hopeless, clueless aunt (that would be me.)   She’s even willing to drive for 3.5 hours with two small children to do so.  Sarah was 19 when Rachel was born, and our children adore her.  (Me, too.)

Like, she brought these cool graduation tablecloths, napkins and decorations with her from Houston for fellow grads Paul, Emma and Cat to enjoy at our Saturday fajita feast….

….and she alerted me to these cool photo cakes at Sam’s, which I had never noticed in my rush to the fabric softener.

For the first time – at Rachel’s graduation party – we actually ate on the deck overlooking the pond   Whoo-whoo!  The koi appreciated the attention of our friends’ kiddos, I am sure. So they got fed tortilla chips and Sarah’s famous pico de gallo – is that a problem?!

Ronald Reagan High School in San Antonio was the first public school named after him.  Nancy Reagan offered these printed congratulations to the grads.   Which thrilled me because….

RR was my president, as evidenced by this 1984 photo at the RNC in Dallas.  He and Nancy were on stage during this balloon drop.  Be forgiving – I was way to heck far away.  I took the week off to enjoy the RNC.  That was when – as Lois tells me – I  “used to be hot, before you got boring.”

The original three -  Hannah, Rachel and Lois – we spared Julia tonight, leaving her with good friends and an evening at Vacation Bible School.  We heathens are missing it.  I will confess to wanting a better camera before it’s Lois’ turn in three years.

Keith’s parents came in for the actual ceremony, which qualifies them for sainthood.  There are a lot of graduates’ names before “Woodworth….”

A sea of green…..Rachel was in the back row.  Being 6’1″, she’s used to it.

One of my favorite parts of this evening:  Lois texting Hannah (who was sitting between us) – “Dear Lord I would kill for an Ipod.”  Long ceremony was it, Lois?   I also chuckled aloud when Hannah commented “I hope she has to walk home” when a school board member – who successfully fought our bus service to middle school – spoke.  Amen!

At the conclusion of kindergarten, Rachel received a self-defined award for tying her shoes. (“What the kids are most proud of.”)    I remember that day, as I will remember this on – proudly, happily, and with a touch of wonder that my baby has come so far.

I hate to cry.  Always have.  But this time next year, I’m planning a nose-blowing, eye-wiping blubber fest when Hannah last performs with the Bush Middle School choir.  For the final song of the school year – “The Lord Bless You and Keep You” – alumni join the graded choirs on stage.  Like Rachel and Lois tonight.

I first experienced this beautiful blending in 2003 with sixth-grader Rachel.  I’ve missed two performances.  In 2005, Keith called me on his cell (discreetly hidden in his lap) so I could harmonize in a lonely Chicago hotel room.  In 2006, we were in Russia.

My three favorite altos, on the end in the back – as Woodworths often are.  The seven-part “Amen” speaks to my soul.

It’d be nice to think Julia might join the choir in a few years, but – as Keith so aptly commented during a road trip when all four girls were singing – “So, you think art for Julia in middle school?”

Until next May, choir – The Lord bless you and keep you, too.   I’ll see you then.  And you’ll see a big wad of Kleenex catching eight years of memories.